Second Marriages

According to many studies, about half of all Americans will divorce and remarry. Subsequently, a growing number of wedding invitations issued today involve a bride or groom marrying for a second time. When either the bride or both the bride and the groom are marrying for the second time, the wedding invitations are issued by the bride and groom themselves. A bride who is being married for the first time to a groom who is marrying for the second time, typically, has her invitations issued by her parents. In other words, it is the bride's status that determines the wording of the invitation. The groom's previous martial status does not effect the invitations.

Traditionally, a divorced bride marrying for the second time used her first name, maiden name, and married name preceded by "Mrs." on her wedding invitations. Through the years, this has changed as the great majority of brides have felt that the inclusion of "Mrs." on their wedding invitations was unnecessary and inappropriate. Today, it is entirely appropriate not to use "Mrs." and almost every bride chooses to omit it.

Second-time brides who are divorced, therefore, use just their first, middle, and last names on their invitations. No title is used. Whenever the bride's title is omitted, the groom's title is also omitted. This keeps the wording of the invitations consistent.

Widows marrying again properly use "Mrs." followed by their deceased husband's name. A young widow, however, may have her parents issue her invitations, even if they issued the invitations to her first wedding. A young widow uses her first, maiden, and married names. No title is used.

The most formal wording for a second marriage omits the invitational line. A less formal, but still correct wording places the bride and groom's name at the top of the invitation.

My parents sent traditional invitations for my first wedding. Is it proper for me to send traditional invitations for my second wedding?

Wedding invitations set the tone for the wedding, regardless of whether it is a first, second, or third wedding. If your wedding is going to be a traditional one, you should send traditional invitations.

Many second weddings, however, are less formal. The invitations to these weddings may be informal. Instead of an ecru letter sheet, a card bordered in a bright color or decorative design may be used. The invitation may be engraved or printed in ink to match the border. As a finishing touch, the envelopes can be lined in a matching color or pattern.

Some etiquette books claim that it is not proper to have invitations to a second wedding engraved. Is this true?

The quality inherent to engraving exists whether you are marrying for the first or second time. There is no reason why the invitations to your second wedding cannot properly be as beautifully engraved as those to your first wedding. If you appreciate the quality of engraving, then by all means have them engraved.

I am marrying for the third time. How should my name read?

Your first name, maiden name, and your second husband's last name are used. Your first husband's name is omitted entirely.

I am divorced and getting remarried. May I use "Ms." instead of "Mrs."?

"Ms." is never properly used on wedding invitations or on most other forms of social stationery. The use of "Ms." is reserved for business correspondence and, under certain circumstances, the addressing of wedding invitation envelopes. If you like, you may omit "Mrs." and use just your first, maiden, and married names. If you do that, your fiancé's title is omitted as well.

I am a doctor. Is it proper for me to use my title?

If you are a medical doctor, you may use your title on your wedding invitations. Your title precedes your name and no advanced degrees appear after it. "Doctor" should be spelled out, not abbreviated. Ph.D.'s do not properly use their academic title.

My first wedding was an elopement. This time around I am going to have a traditional wedding hosted by my parents. How should my invitations read?

Your wedding invitations read as if this were your first wedding, except for your name. Instead of just your given names, your first, maiden, and married names are used.

My first marriage was annulled. How should my wedding invitations read?

An annulment makes a marriage null and void. Therefore, you are entitled to use your maiden name. On invitations issued by your parents, your full maiden name is used, not just your given names. Your maiden name, preceded by "Miss," is used on invitations issued by you and your fiancé. Your titles may also be left off invitations that you and your fiancé issue.

We are both marrying for the second time and have no need for any more gifts. How can we let our guests know that their gifts are not necessary?

While many couples do not feel that gifts are necessary, many guests do. Asking them to not give you gifts deprives them of an opportunity to share their love with you. (It may also seem presumptuous.) Besides, the types of gifts that are given to older couples are different from those given to young brides. You may find yourselves as pleased with your presents as your guests are with giving them.

We would like our guests to donate the money they would otherwise have spent on gifts to our favorite charity. How is that indicated?

Unfortunately, there is no tactful way of doing that. While enclosing a card reading, "In lieu of gifts we ask that you send a donation to the Special Olympics" may seem to you to be an innocent enough request, it may be seen by others as presumptuous.

It is never proper to let your guests know that you expect anything from them--except the pleasure of their company.