Reply Cards & Envelopes

Historically, women were the social secretaries of their households. Any correspondence that needed to be sent on behalf of the household was handled by the "lady of the house." Since she did not work outside the home (or inside, for that matter, since the "help" performed most of the household tasks), she had plenty of time to serve as social secretary. Among the functions she performed as social secretary was handwriting responses to invitations. Years ago, all responses to formal wedding invitations were handwritten on plain, unembellished letter sheets.

Over the past generations, women's roles have changed dramatically. As more and more women enter the labor force, the time they are able to devote to being social secretaries has decreased. That, and the fact that fewer and fewer people are now taught how to correctly respond to wedding invitations, leaves today's host in a quandary. While many would like to issue wedding invitations without reply cards, they are not sure that their guests will (or even know how to) respond. With the high costs involved in hosting a reception, hosts need to have as accurate a count as possible, so most are opting to use reply cards, which increase their chances of receiving replies. As the use of reply cards continues to grow, the custom of hand writing responses may disappear. (Despite the popularity of reply cards, however, many people still consider them improper and are insulted when they receive one, since they feel it suggests that they do not know how to respond properly.)

Reply cards can be engraved in a number of different formats. All formats, however, share similar features. Spaces are always provided for the guests' names and for their responses. A request for a response is always include as well, usually before a specific date. The reply request may be made in either the first two lines of the reply card or in the lower left-hand corner. Some brides choose not to include a date in their reply request as they feel it might insult guests who know very well when to reply. The name and address of whoever will receive the replies is engraved on the face of the reply envelopes. The copy may be center or staggered.

Since my parents, my fiancé, and I are all doctors, many of our guests are also doctors. Should my reply cards be done differently?

Since many of your guests will be doctors, you may wish to omit the "M" on the reply cards. This leaves your reply cards with a blank name line and allows your guests to write in their appropriate titles.

I would like to receive handwritten responses but I'm afraid that if I don't send reply cards, I won't hear from everybody.

One solution is to send reply cards that are blank except for the words "The favour of a reply is requested" engraved across the top or the bottom of the card. A second possibility is to take a small fold-over note, turn it on its side so that the fold is on the left-hand corner, and engrave. This side-fold note becomes a miniature version of the letter sheet that is properly used for handwritten responses. It also seems to be a little more elegant that a card.

My family knows how to properly respond to wedding invitations but, unfortunately, my fiancé's family does not. Can I send reply cards to some guests and not to others?

If you are afraid of offending some of your guests by sending them reply cards, you may send reply cards just to those who you feel would need them. This, of course, requires two sets of reception cards; one with the reply request in the lower left-hand corner for those guests not receiving reply cards and another without the reply request for those guests who are receiving reply cards.

What date should be used for the reply request?

Most brides ask that their replies be received two weeks before their wedding date.

Our reception will feature a choice of three different meals. The caterer would like to know ahead of time how many of each to prepare. Is it proper to ask for that information on our reply cards?

It is not at all proper to include menu selections on reply cards. Most of the better restaurants and caterers are able to make an accurate enough estimate on their own. While some brides do run boxes for chicken, beef, and fish across the bottom of their reply cards, it is not in good taste.

Our caterer needs to know how many guests we expect at our wedding. Would it be helpful to put a line requesting "number of guests" on our reply cards?

Although having your guests fill in a space asking how many of them will be attending would definitely help you in obtaining an accurate count, there is one very serious drawback. By doing so, you encourage your guests to bring along more people than you otherwise would have invited. An invitation addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" with a reception card asking them how many people are coming might lead them to think that not only are they invited but also their kids and, perhaps, their Aunt Sally who, as it happens, will be in town that week. Giving your guests an opportunity like that can be asking for trouble.