Thank-you Notes

Thank-you notes give you the opportunity to express your appreciation to those who were kind enough to send wedding presents. In addition to conveying your appreciation, thank-you notes also let the recipients know that the gifts they sent were received and not lost in transit. They should be sent as soon after the wedding as possible, Your thank-you note will seem more sincere if it is sent in a timely manner.

Wedding thank-you notes are ecru or white fold-over notes that match your wedding invitations. Your monogram is usually blind embossed or engraved in a conservative color on the front of the note.

Is it appropriate for me to send thank-you notes before my wedding?

You certainly may send thank-you notes before your wedding. Sending them as you receive the gifts is not only a courtesy to the people who sent them, it also cuts down the number you will need to send afterwards. However, remember at that point you still need to use stationery engraved with your maiden-name monogram.

How should my monogram read?

The thank-you notes that you send after your wedding have the initials of your first name, maiden name, and married name on them. If all the initials in the monogram are the same size, your initials appear in order (first, maiden, married). When the monogram has a larger center initial, the center initial represents your married name. The initial on its left represents your first name while the initial on its right represents your maiden name (first, MARRIED, maiden).

Thank-you notes sent before the wedding should have your maiden-name monogram engraved on them. Your first name, middle name, and maiden name appear in that order in monograms in which all of the letters are the same size. In monograms with a larger center initial, the center initial represents your last name. It is flanked on the left by the initial representing your first name and on the right by the initial representing your middle name.

On what page do I start writing my thank-you notes?

Monograms appear in the mid-center of the first page of most wedding thank-you notes. When that is the case, you begin and end your note on page three. On some thank-you notes, the monogram may appear at the top of the first page. If your monogram is at the top, you have the option of either starting on page one or page three. Your message should end on page three. (The whole point of using a small note is to limit the amount of verbiage you have to write.) If you do, however, have more to write, you would continue your message on page two. You should never write on the back of the note.

My husband-to-be will be writing some of our thank-you notes. How should our monogram read?

Thank-you notes, like any other social correspondence, are personal messages written by one person. The thank-you notes that you write may be written on behalf of you and your husband but they are still written by you and you alone. Therefore, only your monogram appears on them. Likewise, you sign just your name at the end of your note.

If your husband-to-be will be writing his share of thank-you notes, he will be doing so on his own stationery. Men use correspondence cards instead of fold-over notes. Correspondence cards are flat cards that are mailed in their own envelopes. Your fiancé's name or monogram appears at the top of the card. He should only write on the front of his correspondence card, a rule he will come to appreciate after writing his first couple of thank-you notes.

The separate stationery that you and your husband-to be use for your wedding thank-you notes can be used afterwards for any other short correspondences.

I am keeping my maiden name. My husband-to-be will be writing some of the thank-you notes. How should our monogram read?

Unfortunately, there has not yet been a monogram designed to handle your situation. Your best bet is to use two small, separate, matching monograms—yours on the left, his on the right—joined by a small diamond.

Of course, the more appropriate thing to do is for each of you to use your own stationery.

I am getting married for the second time. What initials do I use on my thank-you notes?

Second-time brides use the initials representing their first name, maiden name, and new married name. The initial representing their first married name is not used.

I am getting married for the third time. What initials do I use?

Third-time brides use the initials representing their first name, maiden name, and new married name. The initials representing their first and second married names are not used.

I am keeping my maiden name. What initials do I use?

Since your name is not changing, your monogram stays the same. You continue to use the initials of your first, middle, and last names.

Is it proper for me to use my middle name instead of my maiden name?

While some women continue to use their middle names after they are married, it is customary for them to use their maiden name as a middle name instead. By using their maiden names, married women can retain their identities as members of the families into which they were born.

I am hyphenating my maiden and married names. How does my monogram read?

The initials you use represent your first name, middle name, and hyphenated maiden and married names. All four of your initials appear in order in monograms in which all of the initials are the same size. Your hyphenated maiden and married names appear in the center of monograms that normally have a larger middle initial. The initial representing your first name appears to the left while your middle initial appears to the right. The hyphen does appear between your maiden and married initials. Since most monogram styles are designed for three initials, you should make sure that the monogram you choose looks good with four initials. Before ordering hundreds of notes, it might be a good idea to ask to see a proof.

My new last name is McHenry. What initial do I use in my monogram?

You may use either M or McH. It is a matter of personal preference.

I would like to use single-initial notes for my prewedding thank-yous. Should I use my first or last initial?

Although there is no set rule, most women use the initial representing their last name on single initial notes.

Is it proper to have our return address engraved on the envelope flap?

Years ago, it was not considered proper for the return address to be engraved on the flaps on the envelopes in which wedding thank-you notes were sent. The return address was either handwritten or left off entirely. Today, the postal service requests that all mail carry a return address so it is now appropriate to have the return address engraved. It is also a great convenience.

How many thank-you notes should I order?

After you finish writing your thank-you notes, you may use your wedding notepaper for any short correspondence. Therefore, you should order enough to cover all your thank-yous plus extra for later on. It is a good idea to think ahead since stationery is less expensive per piece when ordered in larger quantities.